May 2013
6 tags
1 tag
sweet-bitsy:
thernardier:
“you wanna see my breasts” i say seductively to my boyfriend. i unbutton my shirt to reveal two large, succulent cuts of meat. i am a chicken. why do i have a boyfriend. why am i wearing clothes
Wait until you see my thighs
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7 tags
thelittleturtleduck:
doctoroket:
kakarikovillage:
the snack that smiles back
children
what is wrong with this website
4 tags
2 tags
studied for 30 seconds im gonna rock this fuckin test
1 tag
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hommos:
ive come to the point where i dont even procrastinate anymore i just dont do it
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blein:
sO my friend’s dog died and she lives in new york city and so she had to take it to the vet by the subway and she put the dead dog in the suitcase on the subway and it was a pretty big dog and some dude saw that she was struggling with the suitcase so he asked if she needed help with it and he said do you mind me asking what’s in it and she didnt want to say a dead dog so shE SAID IT WAS...
3 tags
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epiicer:
If you say “old sport” three times in front of your mirror Gatsby will appear and awkwardly hit on your wife
2 tags
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vexenort:
cumsquats:
*cracks an egg on my head* *a lemon falls out* What a time to be alive
what the fuck does this post even mean
5 tags
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burgrs:
she wears short skirts I wear the skin of all those who dare defy me
4 tags
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rneerkat:
girls hit on me AND boys hit on me. i explode. i am a piñata
3 tags
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commanderinqueef:
today at the park some guy broke his ankle and one of the people said “give him some lettuce” and everyone just stared at him for like 7 seconds until he said “I meant ice”
3 tags
1 tag
analmermaidprincess:
analmermaidprincess:
What a beautiful afternoon to sit in my yard and drink a milkshake
The boys…
They have arrived….
3 tags
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mrcraabs:
eat spicy food while pregnant. your baby will become a fire mage. yes i am a doctor
5 tags
fuckyeahlaughters:
ah, yes school work.
*shoves pencil through eye*
4 tags
bombliate:
official-honeybooboo:
bombliate:
dave-vriska:
bombliate:
[JUDGE VOICE] did u do the thing
[DEFENDANT VOICE] no
[JUDGE VOICE] i don’t believe u
[WITNESS VOICE] he did the thing
[JUDGE VOICE] ooooooh i knew it
4 tags
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lindsaychrist:
ive been fired from taco bell 4 separate times but i keep just showing up for work and they forget
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